Friday, August 27, 2010
I have had many lessons to be learned through this journey.....and I mean many lessons. The most prominate being that this was in God's plan and only HE knows the outcome of this and because of this I need to trust in HIM more then ever and cast all my fears, anxiety's and worries onto him. This has been the most difficult thing for me. As many of you know I am a constant worrier....I worry about anything that has the option to be worried about...seriously. I also have had a hard time with the fact that people are worried about me. I was even hesitant to let people know what was going on because I didn't want people to worry about me. This, I realize now, was silly and because I let go of this fear I have literally felt every prayer said for me. I have NEVER felt so lifted up in my life. People I haven't spoken to in years are praying for me, people I have never met are praying for me, people I have known my whole life or people I have only known for a few months are praying for me. I have felt more love then I ever have in my whole life. This diagnosis, this "cancer" has made me realize how many amazing people are in my life and how blessed I am to know each of them.
Another lesson through this journey has been the reminder that life is so fragile, so short and so delicate. We never know when life can take a detour, when life can take you down a road unknown. It makes all those silly things you worried about and cried about before not matter at all. In the end all that matters are the people who are surrounding you, the people who really truly love you. The people who are positive energy in your life. The people who make you happy. It doesn't matter what house you live in, what cars you drive, how much money is in your bank account. What matters is the ones you love. To know how quickly my mom jumped on a plane from California to come here is beyond heartwarming and amazing. To know how many people are praying for me is amazing. To have homemade meals made for us and delivered and flowers sent and notes written has been amazing.
Another lesson for us all should be to take care of our bodies. If I was not proactive and determined to make sure my doctor removed my moles I would not be as lucky as I hope to be today. I can't tell you how many times I have heard doctors tell me "let's just watch it" I learned from having abnormal results in the past that I was never again going to "watch it" Even this melanoma my doctor did not think looked suspicious or met the criteria, but I insisted. You better believe from here on out I will always be proactive with my body, always be aware of how I am treating my body, taking care of my body and healing my body. My hope and prayer is that everyone goes and gets checked after learning of my diagnosis. I pray that I am able to save as many people as I can from this horrible prognosis. I pray that those people are able to catch it early and help others as well. Be proactive, be aware of your body and what is going on and most importantly take care of your body. What did those wasted years of going to the tanning booth and laying out in the sun do to me? Maybe gave me a few weeks of looking tan. Big flipping deal if you end up with cancer in the end. IS that worth it?
At this point I am still in lots of pain. I am unable to use my right arm at all....yes, I have gotten very good at typing with one hand. I can't pick up my newborn son, nor cuddle or pick up my daughter. I'm pretty useless at this point, but also have been blessed beyond belief to have my mom here to take care of the kids and Tyler is also off of work and has been amazing. The pain does get better every day though and the wound looks like it is healing really well. I ended up with about 37 stitches. The doctor said my arm will never be the same just because of how many nerves were damaged during the surgery and how much muscle was removed. I will take that any day over ridding this cancer from my body though.
At this point I ask that you specifically pray for these things:
*The doctor has removed all of the cancer from my body and all results come back clear.
*My anxiety and worries are left to God...that I learn to leave it all up to him so I can go forward in my life without constantly being paranoid.
*pray for good health and strength for Tyler and my mom who have been the constant caretakers for our two babies and myself
My test results should come back sometime near the end of next week showing whether the cancer is gone and also will show if there is any cancer in the other 3 moles he ended up removing. I have added some pictures of some of the amazing treats we have received from friends and family. My amazing lifegroup at church made this huge gift basket filled with amazing goodies, as well as these two posters they called "encouragement posters" that were filled with verses from the bible. What an amazing gift.
Thank you is not enough to say to all of you, but that's all I can think to say now. I am just in awe of all of your love and support. I will keep you updated with any news we hear.